The Virtue of Intolerance
Tolerance is something that people usually tout as a virtue, as a quality worth developing. In many ways tolerance can be a virtue. I’m also discovering how it can be a hindrance to forward movement, an obstacle to being in full alignment with our beings and having what we want from life.
I’ve done a lot of tolerating in my life- tolerating which has kept me from clearly knowing and owning what I want, clearly hearing my YES and my NO and going for that which fully supports my (well)being
As such, tolerating is a lot about putting up with and TOLERATING conditions and circumstances that don’t really work for you, don’t support your being and aren’t in alignment with what you truly desire.
Why do we tolerate?
Mostly we tolerate out of fear. Fear that if we stop tolerating we won’t get anything better. We’ll have nothing instead of what little we do have
It’s the fear, doubt or lack of trust that we CAN have what we truly desire and must settle for something less
We tolerate because we fear the consequences of expressing our true desires, of saying and going for what we truly want
We tolerate because we don’t want to hurt, bother or offend others
We tolerate because we are afraid of what others will think if we chose something different or go for what we really want
We tolerate because we believe if we just work on our shit a little more, just shift something in our consciousness, perspective, giving, or being that things will finally change for better
Becoming Intolerant
There’s also an ethos about sticking with things, not giving up just because they don’t feel good, are hard or difficult… to not just quit all the time… Which in some cases can be a virtue, 0f value, a worthwhile endeavor. Sometimes working through the hard stuff can bring beautiful gifts and rewards.
However, in my experience both personally and with clients, we’ve tried to “make things work”, hold them together, work them out or otherwise manage situations that really didn’t support us or work for us in the long run. In this case we are usually just prolonging our discomfort and unhappiness because we are not willing to listen to our truth about the situation. Often it is this very effort that has prevented us from receiving anything greater. A little less tolerance, a little less effort might actually serve us.
How many times have you stuck with something and tried to make it work when it really just didn’t?
How much suffering could you have saved yourself and others if you were really clear about what did and didn’t work for you, what you do or don’t want?
What would your life be like if you were a little less willing to tolerate that which truly didn’t support you or your being?
So what if you stopped tolerating all of the discomfort and dis-ease and less than thriving in your life? Not as a wrongness, not in reaction to, just as a choice for you? What if you could just recognize when something isn’t in alignment with your being and be willing to let it go and choose something different whether or not you know how, whether or not you know what will take it’s place?
When we stop tolerating and really CHOOSE and be clear about what we truly want, then life moves to support that.
Choice Creates Awareness, Awareness doesn’t create Choice
The trick here is that you have to choose FIRST!!
We want to get the awareness and understanding first, the guarantee that things will work out. The only thing is, that awareness and understanding don’t come until we open the door, till we take a step on the path to see what’s around the corner. We can’t see what’s around the corner unless we take the step, and yet we keep waiting to know what’s coming before we’re willing to choose and step forth.
So what in your life have you been tolerating for way too long?
What are you trying to make work, to hold together, to figure out, that just doesn’t really?
What choice could you make, what step could you take to create a different reality for yourself?
DO THIS:
Make a list of all the things in your life you’re TOLERATING or putting up with that don’t contribute to your thriving.
How many can you choose to eliminate from your life right now?
Can you cross them off your list?
Of the one’s you don’t think you can eliminate from your life right now, ask yourself these questions:
- Why am I continuing to choose this or have this in my life?
- What does it cost me to continue tolerating this?
- What will my life look like in one, three or five years if I don’t choose to shift this?
- What would I need to change or to do in order to choose something different?
Cross off whatever new ones you’re able to cross off, either because you realize that you actually want them in your life, or you can easily choose to let them go or create something different. Then choose three that you will take action to change. When those have changed cross them off your list and choose three more. Keep doing this until you have crossed out everything.
The goal is to no-longer have a list, either because you shift your perspective, see the value and accept what you were once “tolerating” or make a new choice toward something that is in greater alignment with your being.
Do this exercise periodically to keep you connected to your YES and NO and to what you truly desire in life, supporting and aligning with your being.
Really the biggest battle we face is with ourselves. If we’d just stop fighting with ourselves and let us know and have what we want, know what does or doesn’t work for us and choose based on that, we’d have a totally different experience of life.
Happy Choosing!
PLEASE SHARE COMMENTS, THOUGHTS AND REFLECTIONS BELOW!
[…] ← The virtue of intolerance […]
Thank you so much for this, Elana. This will give me great food for thought while I do my laundry, until I can delve in deeper.
Awesome. Hope your laundry is nice and clean and that you’ve had an opportunity to dive deeper. I highly recommend actually doing the exercises- write them down. I spent some time a few weeks ago really looking at what I was tolerating and how to make shifts, and it’s made a powerful difference in my life. I feel so much better in so many ways and filled with the kind of experience and engagement I desire in my life. Here’s to intolerance, because it opens up space for what you truly desire and lights up your being!
[…] been writing a lot about choosing, about honoring your YES and Your NO, on being intolerant, essentially on truly listening to yourself, knowing what’s true for you and honoring […]
The reversal of the meaning of tolerance is creative and helps stimulate a flexible response. A very good contemplation for the laundry, I will try that! It reminds me of Buddhist Ethics, that each situation varies and is unique depending on the individuals involved and what they are coming from.