Re-writing your love story
You might not realize it, but you have a love story. I’m not talking about your fairytale-princess version of love, your knight-in-shining-armor kind of story- what I’m talking about is a whole lot more personal and a whole lot closer to you and your life.
The love story I’m talking about is the story that has been written into your subconscious through your lived-experiences in life, starting with your family.
Our childhood experiences of love- or not love- both toward us and around us shape our understanding of love not just at an intellectual level but very deeply on the subconscious level. We have shaped a notion and experience of love that without realizing it, we often continue to perpetuate throughout our lives.
Maybe you wonder why you keep attracting the same dynamic in your relationship… Same relationship, different person?
Sound familiar?
Could it be that, somewhere deep down, on a subconscious level you have a story about love that you keep repeating?
If your historical version of love or trying to get love looked a certain way you may subconsciously still believe that that is what love is and that is how you must get, receive and experience love.
What if you could re-write that story into one that actually works for you?
What if you could uncover the subconscious story you’ve created and write yourself a new one that heals and transforms the old one… what if you could create a new definition of love?
I realized recently that I was indeed just re-living another version of the story I created in childhood about what love means and what it takes to get love and to be loved. I didn’t want to keep forgetting what love truly is. I didn’t want to continue to confuse so many things I’ve subconsciously equated with love that aren’t actually love as love.
I wanted a new definition of love. So I wrote one.
I wrote a new definition of love based on transforming all the things I’d been confusing love with that weren’t love to remind myself what, to me, love truly is.
Instead of love being about waiting for, wanting and working for attention, I now have a new definition that reminds me that:
“Love is warm, open, receptive, inviting and generously giving… Love is deeply caring of me and my well-being. Love honors me, my feelings and experience and supports and contributes to my needs being met…”
For each of us what we will re-write- our definition and story of love- will be distinct and personal. The TRUE LOVE-STORY for each of us is born out of our old story, history and patterning about love that we received in childhood.
If, for example, you grew up in a family with an overbearing mother or a controlling father, then your story of love would probably need to include something about freedom and self-expression for it to be healing and to transform your experience. On the other hand, if your parents were distant or unavailable your story would need to include something about closeness, availability and connection.
Here’s some questions to ponder that my help you discover some of the subconscious patterns and beliefs you hold about love:
- What has been your love story? How has love showed up in your life? What have you called love that has been frustrating, irritating or painful to experience?
- What have you believed you must do or be in order to have love?
- What dynamics or patterns in your relationships that don’t really work for you do you keep showing up for and continue to experience over and over again?
- What have you been mistaking or interpreting as love that actually isn’t love or doesn’t feel like love?
- If you were to write a new definition for yourself about love and what love is to you, what would it include?
Write it out and put it somewhere that you can see it often. Let this be a reminder and a guide to you about what love truly is and what your heart truly desires to receive as love.
Please share comments, thoughts, experiences and reflections below. If this provides inspiration, insight or food for thought, then share it with your friends so they can engage with these ideas too.
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