"GOOD Relationships" "It only takes one person to have a good relationship..." I heard that piece of information from Byron Katie a while back, but it has taken me a quite a while to really get its meaning. What does that mean? How can that be? My friend was there to listen and make this a good relationship... even if I wasn't having it. So often we blame our partner for how the relationship is [...]
Begin with the End in Mind Begin. With the end. In mind. I can't tell you how true this is becoming for me, particularly and acutely in how I relate to and engage with other people. Often acting or engaging in ways that have not contributed to creating the kind of connection or engagement I desire, I have begun to really think before I act... So often we choose the opposite. We choose actions that are very unlikely [...]
The Power We Have in Relationships I am realizing just how little power I have over other people, particularly if I want to stay in an empowered place myself. Any time I make another person at fault or responsible for my experience, I have given my power away. When I do that, their behavior determines my experience and consequently requires them to change if I wish to have a different experience. If you think about it, I imagine [...]
Trusting the Intelligence of your design "You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves... I've been thinking about this a bit... about this soft animal... Have you ever noticed how often we make ourselves wrong? Fight ourselves, think that we should be different? Judge ourselves for feeling [...]
Disengaging for Greater Engagement Do you know how to take a step back? To take some space? To allow for distance? To disengage? Have you allowed yourself to experience the sweetness and benefit that comes when you do? Most of us don't give ourselves this gift, and it can be at great cost to ourselves and our relationships. If you're an empath, if you're sensitive and pick up on what's happening around you then chances are, taking [...]
Try this exercise: Notice a sentence in which you use the word feel. Now say the same sentence again, without using the word feel. When you take out the word feel, are you actually expressing a feeling or are you expressing an opinion or interpretation?... Example: "I feel excited." Take out feel and it translates to "I'm excited." "I feel welcomed." Take out feel and you have "I'm welcomed". Which actually expresses a feeling, an emotion?... If you [...]
You can't make me... I spend a fair amount of time with children. Actually, being with and relating to children is one of those special gifts I have. It started when I was just a kid and I guess I just never stopped playing, being with and relating to children. Through my experience I've developed a unique perspective that's part of what I'm here to share with the world. One theme that has been arising recently is the [...]
What does Nonviolence mean to you? We opened our first class of Communication From the Inside Out with this question. As we delved into the exploration of Violence and Nonviolence we discovered that violence and the roots of violence is far more complex and complicated than we ever would have imagined. Recognizing violence in all of it's forms Most people think of violence as physical harm, brutality and the like, in which most of us don't actively participate, [...]
Moving past Judgements Have you noticed that a lot of what takes you out of being present are judgements and conclusions? Have you noticed that a lot of the feeling crappy that we experience actually has to do with judgements? What If You Stopped Judging You? What would your life be like if you could let yourself just be? What would it be like if you spent one whole day not judging you? Have you ever spent time [...]
Distinguishing Needs from Strategies Something I've been studying and working with for many years is something called "Nonviolent Communication" or NVC, which some of you may be familiar with. I struggle with this name as I don't believe that either the Nonviolent or the Communication piece really articulates what it's about. My working explanation for Nonviolent Communication goes like this: Nonviolent Communication is not only a language and process for expressing ourselves and hearing others, it is also [...]
A Context for Mutuality... Adult/child relationships are also constructed through family design and structure. In mainstream society and nuclear family settings, virtually all relationships children have, at least initially, are mediated through their parents. While kids gain greater independence, especially as they get older, in conducting peer-to-peer relationships, there is little scope for independently initiated and facilitated relationships with adults. Most child-adult relationships are based on adult authority such as parents and teachers and not on mutually shared [...]
Reconstructing Adult/Child Relationships Much of the way our relationships with children are currently constructed is based on adult authority and adults acting upon children rather than sharing power and holding mutual respect with them. The labels of “adult” and “child” so often become barriers to connection, on a mutual or horizontal level, where people who find interest in each other and benefit from the company of the other engaged in freely chosen and mutually beneficial ways. What avenues [...]
Pursuing One’s Own Interests The best preparation for a meaningful and productive future is a meaningful and productive present Too often, childhood is thought of in terms of preparation: “Do this now, even if it doesn’t feel connected to your most pressing interests and concerns, because later on you’ll find it useful.” Helping children to figure out what seems interesting and worth doing right now, in their current lives, helps them develop self-knowledge and experience at figuring out [...]
Social Structure Social structure constantly shapes and directs our lives. For most of us, it is not something that we pay much attention to or that we are consciously aware of. The following experience and insight from living on a family homestead and community with kids and parents living and working in the same space together, helped me to see how social structure might be an important element in design and of increasing kids’ autonomy: My experience of [...]
I do a lot of wondering. A lot of wondering about kids and childhood and our current social construction of childhood, how it supports kids as unique beings in their learning and growing and becoming autonomous people, and how it might work better. What does it mean for kids to have rich, purposeful, engaged lives as part of their community and their society, not only when they grow up, but now, this very moment, at what ever age [...]